Missing
by ZhurrickTea
Summary: Zhu Li has pledged her allegiance to Kuvira the Great Uniter. Varrick has been taken prisoner and is not to escape. What might they both be thinking that night? Set just after Enemy at the Gates.
1. Missing Her

Varrick's head was pounding, his heart beating, his thoughts darkening. He had never felt so helpless. He had never been alone like that, never since Zhu Li joined him a lifetime ago, much less had he been _betrayed_ by her Angry, sad, disappointed, he felt most of all _alone._ He had been moved to a smaller room that had no ceiling trap and of course no Zhu Li who would come rescue him. Sitting on the bed with his head in his hands, he felt like a pathetic loser.

Should he have seen it coming? He had never thought he would lose his ever faithful assistant, his first and best supporter, his other half of sorts. Yet she had denied him, called him a fool and probably thought even worse of him than she would say. Zhu Li wanted no more to do with him and he would not get her back. She was gone, gone for good. He had heard pledge allegiance to Kuvira the crazy. There was no turning back from that.

He had never known for sure where Zhu Li stood exactly, where her loyalty came from, but it seemed vain to wonder at that now that she would never be by his side again. She had called him a fool and in truth, that was how he felt. She had been right about him. He was nothing compared to Kuvira. At least Zhu Li had made the right decision for her by leaving him. She would be safer with the Great Uniter. Worry for himself, he might, but if Zhu Li was in Kuvira's good books, he had no fear for her life. The thought made him feel slightly better.

Maybe he did have a conscience after all. There he was, thinking about someone else's well being! The other thought, unbidden, came that none of this would have happened if he had cared for Zhu Li more and shown it better. In truth, thinking back about everything she had done for him, he had never appreciated it, never enough. It was dawning on him now, and he felt overridden by guilt. He was guilty of being an utter fool who not only lost his only partner in crime and managed to get himself locked up in the process, but moreover slighted her and hurt her with his attitude. He should have been thankful, he should have, but the past was as it was and he groaned in frustration.

He simply could not get her out of his thoughts. Memories came swarming into his mind. How completely devote she had been all this time. And to think she had thought him a genius at some point! He couldn't be, though, not when he missed something as huge as that. He wanted nothing more than to go back in time and cover Zhu Li with praise and loving kindness.

He sat right up, his eyes widening, rubbing his chin, not quite believing what his mind had brought him to think. Love for Zhu Li? Another thought came, just as unbidden as the first, that just this morning, he had had her on top of him, happy and smiling, thinking he was her hero. He knew he was no hero, how could he when he was locked up like a vulgar criminal, but maybe, just maybe, if he had responded to her smiles instead of yelling at her, if things had gone smoothly, she might not have left him. He should have been attentive. Only now did he see that they had had the perfect set up for a _kiss._ Fool, fool, _fool._ Maybe, if he had waited even a second instead of bossing her around, she would have kissed him, her valiant hero who saved her from a dangerous fall. Or maybe he should have kissed her. It wouldn't be so bad, kissing Zhu Li, nay, opposite: it would be _amazing._ He cursed himself for only thinking that _now_, for only feeling grateful once it was too late.

In truth, if he ever saw Zhu Li again, and the thought felt like a stab in the heart that he might not, he would need to grovel at her feet and beg for forgiveness. He would not get her back, not in the same way as before, but his newly found conscience would feel less heavy. A kiss would never happen, though, that train was long gone, missed and forgotten. It was true what they said: you only realize how much you need and love something once you miss it because you lost it. And Varrick loved his Zhu Li. Lying on his bed, he closed his eyes and dreamt of hugs and kisses.


	2. Missing Him

She had been given Varrick's room. What could Kuvira mean by that? Probably that she was above Varrick now. Above him she might be, but certainly not over him. She would never be over Varrick, at least in the romantic sense. Her mind fluttered back to a very special moment that very morning when she had certainly been all over him physically... She closed her eyes, counted to ten, breathed. The thought was gone.

But it wasn't. She had thought he would kiss her, she really had, and for a moment she had been the happiest woman on earth. But he hadn't, he had yelled at her as he always did and she had felt unwanted and pathetic, as usual these days. In truth, she might have forgiven him all his slights if he had ever been able to return her feelings. That would be enough to make her feel special and appreciated. Or perhaps it wouldn't. She thought back on the years of frustration she had spent by his side. She would never leave his side, never say a word she shouldn't, never refuse him anything. Even if Varrick had loved her with all his heart, and she was quite certain he didn't, he wouldn't, she still would have had enough at some point.

Was it really that much to ask? She didn't even want him to shower her with praise all day long and sing ballads about her devotion. Just a little gratitude would be enough. Some acknowledgement, a simple "please, Zhu Li," a "thank you, Zhu Li" from time to time. She had done everything for him, had dedicated her life to him. She deserved at least that. All hopes of his love, hugs and kisses were just futile sillyness that she knew would never come true. A cold warmachine she might be, but she wasn't heartless. Even she had the right to hopes and delusions.

Everything she had said about Varrick was true and it had felt good to let it all out. She did feel frustrated, she _was_ fed up with the way he treated her. She didn't want to remain in his service in those conditions. She did think he was a fool. But a fool she loved. She had to let him know her frustration, let him know that it couldn't go on that way, but that didn't mean she would leave him for good. She had told Kuvira what she knew the ruthless woman wanted to hear, but in her mind, it was clear that she would never work against Varrick. It had been the only way. Speaking against Varrick ensured Zhu Li that he understood his mistakes and perhaps thought about the way he had been treating her, but it also provided her with a cover. Kuvira trusted her now. And because she knew where Varrick was locked up, she could look after him, as she so often did. She had no plan as of yet, but she would come up with one soon, as she always did.

But would Varrick understand? She longed to go see him and have a heartfelt conversation with him to let him know _everything,_ but that would have to wait. There was no way to go see him discreetly now that he was watched by many guards at any time. She had no way of contacting him. She could only hope that he would not resent her too much, to the point of rejecting her when she would come back to him. But then again, _she_ was the one who had any right to be angry with him. _He_ would have to make it up to her, not the other way around.

She lay in the bed that had been Varrick's. As soon as she pulled the covers, she was overwhelmed by a distinctive scent she loved and could recognize among thousands. It was more than just Varrick's expensive cologne, although she had been responsible for choosing that for him for years and made sure she picked the best ones, the ones she would not get tired of after being around him all day long. No, it was something unique to him, the bed smelled of her Varrick and enveloped her like an embrace.

This was probably as far as she could ever get from him, sniffing his bedsheets like a pathetic lovesick teenager. She had no idea when she had started to love Varrick. Maybe as soon as she'd met him. Maybe slowly over time and it had taken her falling on him, them having a moment to make her realize she could not see her life without him, even though she could not see a life _with_ him if he kept treating her as he did. Maybe when she had realized that she would follow him anywhere, even in prison as in Republic City, as long as she could be by his side. In any case, she was head over heels for him.

Why did everything have to be so _complicated _somehow? Why did Varrick have to be horrible to her, and yet so absolutely endearing sometimes? Why did she have to feel anything for him? Why had they joined Kuvira in the first place? She had no idea what plan she would have to come up with. Varrick usually had the ideas. She was just his assistant. Yet, she wanted to be much more than his assistant, and maybe to become that, she had to be a lot more daring and creative than she used to. It would have to wait for the next day, though. She was exhausted, emotionally more than physically, even though she had been through a long and tiresome fight, all that for nothing. Her thoughts about Varrick were so similar to dreams nowadays that she never noticed when slumber took her.


End file.
